screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
