The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
