Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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