Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Houston, we have a blender
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize