i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What drink are we having for lunch?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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