but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
