is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize