Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
