apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
