Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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