I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize