I faked an abortion last night.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
