Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
