when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
