But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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