What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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