1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am spending my child support on dildos
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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