Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We have started to decorate penises.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
