And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
