Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
