I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
