I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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