I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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