Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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