I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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