i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
