Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
either way he was missing a nipple.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
