Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
love makes seman taste better
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
