Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
