Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
