Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
