I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
