I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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