Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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