one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
