You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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