He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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