how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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