guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
