george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
