I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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