there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
