i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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