after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Actions speak louder than pants.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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