Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
