it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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