You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
