So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
