So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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