you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
