I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
