Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
