And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
