Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
