I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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