I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
