did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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