Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
