i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
