It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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