I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
