im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think my fart just growled at me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
