bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
