Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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