You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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