i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
