I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
