it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
