I am in a vortex of obligation.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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