Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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