that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
