My Higher Power is John Stamos
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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