dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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